It´s May, a rant is due

Apparently i haven´t written anything here in 5 months , i’m such a lazy ass, seriously, i need to step up my game, lol. So i have been working a lot for the last 3 months, a lot in like 28 days a month, i was so happy to finally land a job in Germany i din´t care anymore about how much i worked or what i did. I worked in a cafe for some italians in Germany, weird how this happens.At first it was all ok i learned quickly what i had to do and improved my german skills, i am quite good now, let my just congratulate myself for this. And then i worked and i worked and i worked and i couldn´t get any free time anymore, at all, i had like 2 free weekends in 3 months, 2 . I just became deppressed and tired all the time, i couldn´t enjoy anything anymore. I didn´t have time for my bf, my house, i got a new cool house now, apartment, it,s a rental of course but i like it😀. it’s a total mess now because i didn’t have time to clean it in ages. The only thing that could make me feel a little more better was watching Sailor Moon sometimes when i could last more than half an hour to go to sleep at night. I had a work schedule of 8 hours a day 12 days and then one week-end free, cand you imagine what that feels like, and i had to work from  like 10.00 to 19:00, all my day was gone , and the tiredness omg, that was something. i couldn’t understand why, i worked hard jobs before but this was different. And i worked with my boss, italian woman of 47 years old and an albanish woman, 25. At first they helped me and were ok and then when i started knowing everything that i had to do they stoped , and stayed in the back room that we called the office and gossiped while i was alone working. I was litterally the only one that made the money. i didn’ t mind the work, i like being active and talking to people, even if the cafe was in a hospital with people with mental diseases. i  could write a book about all the people that were coming there, i didn’t mind them, i just pitied them for not being able to have a normal life  and thought about the events in their lives that made them loose it. but the fact of just me working ,every day, and my coworkers to just sit around and talk. I didn’t have time to eat  or drink water, and i gained weight instead of loosing weight because of the stress i had to handle every day. i had no life anymore. i just couldn’t handle it anymore, not the fatigue or the bad character of my boss and her want to work me as a slave. the pay wasn’t even that good, i had like 3 euros per hour, witch here is very little, the minimum should be 8,5 . And she didn’t even hire me, she said she did, but i never saw a work contract or anything, which let me to believe i wasn’t registered at the local work force  . Germany is very keen in upholding the laws and having a worker unregistered can cost the owner 15.000 euros , but i guess she was fine with that, because she could see i was a good person and i would never deliberately hurt someone or do anyone harm, no matter how bad they treated me. I don’t believe in revenge or responding to evil with evil, unless you try to rape me or something, then you’re dead motherfucker. i stopped feeling like a person anymore, i understand now why governments try to enslave people in work, they can not think for themselves anymore, they can not feel, nor have the time to do so.This was squashing my personality and my body, so i said no more. I need money but i am lucky that my boyfriend still works and that i can always rely on him, he agreed with me that leaving this job was the best thing for us, didn’t have any time for him anymore, i was always cranky and dissatisfied. i will try to choose my job wisely next time. From Monday on i will be really careful for what i choose to do. I start looking for other jobs from tomorrow on. i hope i will be luckier or wiser. I think i need wisdom more than i need luck.

So i guess lesson learned, do not let anyone consider you as their property just because they pay your salary, you are not bound to your job. Sadly you are bound to the money you have to make to survive. i got a taste  of  how millions of people live their lives, in frustration and a lot of work, body ache .The people that work and enjoy and feel satisfied at the end of the day have more happiness that they realize. Earning your pay and not feeling like there is no hope for your life is a feeling that not a lot of people have, it is sad. sad times we are living if man is still considering his workers not his equals but a tool to gain money. And the lies, so many lies to give you a false sense of security or friendship just to earn a little more bucks. What despicable  creatures makes money out of us, i really think we should drop all currencies and go back to the early ages when everyone worked together just to survive the next winter (i am watching the Vikings, great show). i think ppl lost sight of what is important and that in unity we are stronger, and we are never truly equal unless we discard our sense of being the better man and just accept that we are all the same and strive for the same goals. I know there are a lot of people less fortunate that i am and i thank , i wanted to say god but i don#t really believe anymore, Christians have become to greedy for my taste and i can see a lot of breaches and lies hidden in the core of the Christianity that make me distasteful for this religion. I wish we started taking back the old gods that made us fearful to destroy the nature not in right to do as we please with the creatures of this earth, except for the human sacrifices which i think were a little over the top. The old gods were rougher like the earth and i think more suiting to the bitch that life is.So hail Odin bitches!!!

DO not let people belittle you, i truly believe that we choose our lives and how we live them so risks may be a better thing than just suffering and a false sense of security.Just writing this article that i know no one reads on the old fashioned writing blog, everyone vlogs now, but i i find more comfort in written words than in filming alone and talking to a camera. Writing suits me and soothes me . i think i also looked at my dream of becoming a writer falsely, i should write for making something beautiful and important not to become famous and have money, stupid economical world, that learns children to live their dreams for financial benefits not something to fuel your soul and make you content.

P.S  Vikings will have a post of their own soon i think, i just finished watching the second season and i think it is a very well made series and very accurate, fuck history lessons, watch this movie and weep for the loss of the human greatness.

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