We have entered a new year, 2014, i like this number, i really hope this year will be better than the last. 2013 was a bad year for me, and for a lot of people . for some people every year is a bad year or in the contrary , every year is a good one. But for me it was as bad as it gets, partly my fault, for my lack of interest in matters from a lost hope that occurred at the beginning  of the year, when my plans to go and live in England were destroyed and in order to not complete loose our momentum, me an my bf decided we should go in Germany, were he has relatives. The biggest problem we encountered was not knowing the language, it was hard at first to comprehend it because it is very different from English and Romanian, our native language.i started with audio books and reading and writing, so i am decent now, i still have a lot to learn but i need real practice for it, books don”t cover what i need. i only worked 3 months this year, which is the least i had in a long time, and it is hard for me because i have been working since i was 19 and i am used to have a job. It is hard for me not to have an activity like that. I spent almost all my time alone, at home, with the internet, how sad is that? I hope that this year it is all going to change, otherwise i might grow all antisocial , i really learned to be alone and it is hard to start talking to ppl again, of course i had my boyfriend when he wasn’t working, he did had a job all year, witch was very lucky for us , otherwise we had no money, so i was a lot of time depressed this year and that stopped me from doing anything productive so i taught i should think about a resolution this year and make a list of things i should start doing this year so maybe if i have it black on white i wouldn’t have a lot of problems keeping myself true to it. My motivation is near to zero for quite some time, naturally i gained a little weight while i was actually trying to loose some, not moving didn’t  help at all. So here is my list:

1. Eat more vegetables

2. Try to work out at least once a week

3. catch up with my reading

4.start learning how to knit blouses and stuff

5.Get a job and stick with it.

6. Learn more german.

7. Start learning japanese.

8.Start writting at least once a week, i need practice to be able to finally write a book.

9.Keep in touch with ppl.

10. Try to make some friends,cause i have none.

11.Start being selfless a little.

12. Love my boyfriend forever.

13.Be more grateful to being still alive.

14.start enjoying life more,

15. See new places.

16. Buy a camera, so i can take lots of pictures,

17.i really need to loose some weight.

18. Help my family,

19. have more patience with my father .

20. Just be happy and stop worrying so much.


My dream

Last night, or rather morning i had one of my weird dreams that i enjoy having, once in a while i dream stories from my inner self, they are very interesting usually, they can also be creepy, i dream a lot of zombie movies for some reason, even when i didn” t watch one in quite some time. In this dream i was walking around a big city, one of those European ones with a lot of history and big awesome arhictetural buildings. I think i was alone , but of course i was different like i always am, i was seeing the buildings in reality and the humands were like anime drawn, cool right? And i walked in a big church, catholic stile i think, and there was a service going on and i was walking around like no one could bother me, and in the church there was a well, and on th well there was a young girl dressed in a blue long dress with long black hair worn in a pony tail, she was just sitting there and watching, so i went to her and asked her something about the church or what she was doing, i don” know exaclty what. She just looked at me and said nothing so i went on my way, in the city, i was heading home i think. And i detach from myself and came back to the church where one of the girls from the crowd that was attending the service said to the other that was beside her, she had long amber hair and was dressed in a green long dress, she said to the other girl about me, that i saw her sister that was on the edge of the well, and she was surprised because no one can see them, so she said they should follow me and  see who i am. In the dream i was getting a hint that they were some kind of witches or ghost, or both . i cant really see the girl she was talking to , or  just don”t remember anymore. She then talked with the girl with black hair,asking about me but she didn’t answer, she was living in her own world and wasn’t paying attention to anyone, not even her said sister. They went out, the 2 girls, the one with amber hair and the one i don’t recall her appearance and were walking after me, and then i had some kind of dream flashback and saw a lot of girls laying on the floor under a  blue light and among them there were the 3 girls and me, i could feel i was there , but i couldn’t see my anime version. I’m starting to imagine it now, long brown hair and nice white and red dress or something. I was like one of them, weird, and that”s where the dream ended or i just don’t remember more, i hate the way i forget them. If i don’t wake up and wright right away about it i forget slowly and then by the end of the day i forget it all. I think this dream could be the start of a nice novel if i had the guts to actually start writing one, i think i will try because now i have the time. I really need to start working for my dreams to come true.

THis was a little bit of sharing time and i have to go do useless internet stuff now, bbye… leave a comment if you want to see if i develop this or not.

A thousand splendid suns

I got  a book from my sister when i visited Romania for to weeks to go to a wedding, my boyfriends brother got married and now everyone waits for our wedding, lol, which is weird cause we are younger and need  more time. Anyway, i read this book and it is awesome. A thousand splendid suns by Khales Hosseini. http://librarie.carturesti.ro/a-thousand-splendid-suns-353282

I haven’t read a book in a while that i liked so much. If you read the summary you know it is about the friendship of to women that are confronted with lost love and decades of excruciating war. What is interesting about this book is that the story is happening during my life time. The war in Afghanistan was just a tale for me, even though i saw in the news growing up news and horrible facts. I liked reading it because it is a very real book . Even though it is just a written story i think there is a lot of truth in it and it makes you appreciate your war-less life. I never experienced first hand the atrocities of a conflict in mt country, i was 2 when the Romanian revolution killed the communist president and risked life’s to get rid of the Communism. I hope i will never be part of a war but i would like to know how i would react to a battle for my existence. Would i be a coward and hide somewhere and survive or die because of fear or fight for my beliefs, We all see ourselves as brave but when the time really comes will we be able to be proud of ourselves. I recommend this book with all my heart because it is very well written and inspirational. I really like how the author presented the characters and how he brought them together. I read the book in like 3 days max it was that good. I missed such a book that can get my attention.



P.S This book will make you crave for rice and Asian food:)

reality as a movie

i was watching a movie on one of the many online movie sites and it stopped working for no apparent reason, keeps doing that, new internet, old laptop, don’t know the problem, but it seems i’m in a very pensive state. I turned around to watch my bf sleep, he is tired , he worked all day. Sucks when he has to work like that, i’m all alone in the house, and don’t really know what to do with myself. I have no friends here in this foreign country whose  language i don’t know that well, well except for my internet friends. Youtube has become a big part of my life now. I only listen to music there, watch news, watch other ppl living their lives, watch hair tutorials i can never make and make-up i will never do, to much foundation. I mean i don’t use any, i don’t say i have perfect skin but i just can’t bare coating my skin like that, i feel it heavy, have tried in the past but i don’t think it suits me. I have never been so girly girl to spend hours doing my hair before school, i had it always braided in middle school and then always free.But i like watching them for some reason, maybe because i am searching for human contact of my gender, lol. Anyways i was watching my baby sleep, he looked so peaceful and i my love for him came out, he is now my only contact with reality, that’s why i am afraid of writing my stories, i might just slip away like i used to in times when i was lonely in my younger years, imagining a life, a story, a beginning and an ending, i was quite good , but i only tried to put them on paper several times and then forget about them or just stop because i had got the story i wanted in my head and didn’t want to make more efforts into laying them down. I have never been sure of my writing skills , my insecurity always got the best of me and i quit so many times .I am 25 now and still didn’t write a  story, not even a little one. Whenever my writing lust appears i come here to this blog to get it out, my readers are not important to me, if there are any, because i’m to afraid of bad feedback to risc anything, like this post, it will never be public. Just a memento of my sleepless night and of my love for him.Sometimes i feel like we have always been together, like all my heart breaks from before had meant nothing because i know have him and it’s all good. I hoped but never  taught to ever get such love, he says he loves me and i hope it;s true, or else my heart will crumble. I don’t know if i can live without him anymore, just 2 years have passed but it feels like forever, I hope it stays that way, i’m afraid i’m not worthy of him, maybe sometimes i try to hard or to little. I think i have to get myself back, i have become a shell of myself , not thinking, not doing because of all the inactivity and my easily depressed self, i get demoralized so easy, now , when i should be in the top of my life and my happiness, i have all i need but not all i want. i try to escape my boring life by watching movies, trying to live some of their moments, moments impossible for me.i had such dreams and hopes when i was younger, where did they all go. I think it;s true what they say, never grow up, it;s a trap.i have to start leaving the life i want, or at least make some effort into it. even if i don’t succeed in everything, at least i tried.I’m going to make this my motto and try to fight of the coziness that disguises my laziness. i should come back to this post and this activist girl tomorrow to not forget what i have pledged today…

lazy week

So i’ve got like 3 weeks of holiday from my job, because the boss and his family are going to greece for august . I didn’t really needed it or so and i have just stayed at home and did nothing. We moved in our new apartment this week and all we did , while my bf was at home , was sitting in the day room and play games or watching movies. I have literally spent almost all my free time in front of my laptop not doing anything productive. This is a confession post. I should have learned some german, cause i still need to learn a lot. I hadn’t learned some for 2 months i think. At monday we went shopping for house thing and food and that’s it, not even left the house. Is it just me or everyone does this once in a while. OUtside of work i do this anyway, i don’t know why i am so disappointed with myself for being so lazy when i’m always like this nowadays. I should be looking for another job because this one sucks. I can’t think about anything i want to work though. I don’t know what to do. I need to snap out of this laziness like soon, or else i feel i will wither like a plant , my brain is not fed. I miss reading a book, but i’m also to lazy to do it…i should also start writting

A story

There was once a little girl that dreamed of great things for herself, like all children do. She was good at school, besides the fact she had no friends and everyone was mocking her.She didn’t need any friends, she had her big sis and her cousin, her partners in crime. They used to do their dreaming together and swore they will never be apart. She dreamt she will have a bright future where she will do what she likes to do.She didn’t know yet what she wanted but she was working on it. SHe had such a tender soul , easily broken, although she tried to keep herself strong. She had a ruff childhood always hunted by the lack of money and the things she couldn’t do because of it. Her cousin went away when they were teenagers, to a far away country, her sis fell in love with a douche and forgot about her. SHe was left all alone in the toughest place for a teenager, highschool. She tried so hard to fit in but she failed utterly. She had a good friend but now that is all gone 2. Her only hope now, after 20 years or so of living is her bf that she loves more than life, they are trying to get a good life together, like all couples do, working, having no time for each other, waiting and dreaming for a better life. Imagining how it would be if she had some money and not have to work hard , under her abilities , no satisfaction. This is called the future for any young pair nowadays. Struggling to come trough, to be able to have a family, i wonder how it will be for the next generation. We bury ourselves in electronic devices that rob us of human interaction just to pretend that our life has purpose. But there is no purpose . How can something like a dull life be a good purpose. WE are to afraid to get out from the human laws and expectations to actually do what we want. WE are afraid because we are taught to be.We are the product of our society that let’s you believe you can do anything just to hit you in the face when you try to do it.Adulthood sucks, never grow up, it really is a trap.

Seven:Elfen Lied

I have watched Elfen Lied again in german this time, i found on youtube all the episodes in one video, over 4 hours of video. It was awesome. Elfen lied is one of the first anime that i saw and loved. It is so grim but awesome. My only regret is there are no more than 13 episodes and the ending is ambiguous, but i guess it is only to be expected from an anime so gruesome and cool.If you haven’t seen Elfen Lied and you are an anime lover , even if you are not, it is a very good one.My boyfriend isn’t a very big anime fan but he loved it.It’s about a young girl who is an alien or some kind of mutant that has invisible arms that are very strong and that protect her. There are more girls like this in the story but she is the strongest and crazies i think. Her genes are made to extinct the human race, but she gets off that track because she falls for a human boy that shows her kindness and friendship.And the soundtrack of the anime is so beautiful  i love it, Lilium is called.Image